Problem...

aku sebenarnya tgh menghadapi mslh besar ni. pasal cuti...
aku dh mintak cuti study leave 2 minggu, sambung dgn annual leave seminggu, dan maternity leave selepas tu.
dah siap anta semua borang2 tu ke HR minggu sebelum aku cuti.
dan bagitahu SHO team baru juga. tapi aku bagitahu Reg team baru lambat sket, masa week yg aku suppose tukar team. tapi die ok. xde mslh.

masalahnye, the problem arise when she (the Reg) told the HR that i wont be coming to the team because of my leave. and the HR/Medical Manpower Manager is not aware of this. well, this obviously is not my mistake for i have submitted the forms the week before. but then, Reg suruh aku call HR. fair enough. sbb diorg pon short of staffs. so, since hubby tinggalkan borang maternity benefit utk HR isi the week before, aku pon instead of calling them, terus pegi HR utk jumpe medical manpower manager sambil2 amek borang meternity benefit form tu. and he was not there.

aku tunggu, tp die x dtg juga. last2 sekali, makcik secretary die kat sebelah panggil aku. ty kenapa aku nak jumpe Mr Manager. then, aku explained la ape yg aku nak clarify ngan Mr Manager. but then i think she took me wrongly, she rang Mr Manager on the mobile and she explained my condition, though ade part2 yg die salah paham.

then, after the call finished, she told me that i could not take my study leave since the exam falls on during my maternity leave. and i could not do what i wanted/planned to do. but she did not give me other alternatives on how i should do it properly.

i told her, my exam is on 12th may, and i understand that if any NCHD planned to take exam, they are entitled to 2 weeks study leave. and it's mentioned in their Terms and Conditions of employment. and i believe my study leave i plan to take happen during my period of employment, and that means i am still entitled to it.die x puas hati

plak, die kate, i should take my new Consultant's signature for the approval of the leave. but, i explained to her that i am still under the previous consultant, since the week that we should changeover fell on the middle of the week, and on that day i went to see her, was the day i was still under the old consultant. plus, i must submit the form before the week i planned to take my study leave, that was why i asked Dr O Keeffe signature instead. takkanla sbb changeover, aku kene dtg hospital time study leave tu semata2 nak mintak signature consultant baru. cork ngan Galway bukannya dekat. ingat sng nak commute. lagi plak, team baru ok je. i already explained to them.

pastu, die kate, 'takpelah,balik dulu, and nanti diorg call me'. yeah right, until today, nobody called me. yet. pastu, ape aku nak expect, patut aku dtg kije ke x, since aku dah submit form utk cuti aritu. so, aku amek decision, selagi diorg x call aku, selagi tu xde mslh dgn cuti aku. aku teruskan cuti smpai arini. dah seminggu lebih dah cuti.

masalahnye, td bile bgn tido, ade missed call from unknown number. was that call from HR?i wonder. sbb kdg2 depa punye phone x kuar number,tu yg tension. and bleh jd dr M'sia's number juga. and kdg2 ade missed call dr entah sape2 salah nombor.
entahla...tgh x sedap hati ni. nape la mslh ni menimpa aku.

tapi aku determine this time, i need rest for myself, and more importantly for my baby. cukuplah aku sacrifice utk Afnan dulu. kije+oncall until aku 37 weeks. mase tu, aku dok kejar IMC registration, sampai terabai kesihaatan diri sendiri. bile Afnan mati, baru aku menyesall. aku dpt ape yg aku kejar, tp ape yg aku kendong tertinggal jauh ke belakang.

skrg, priority aku is the baby. i love the baby more than the job. and i need support from my hubby. dok jauh dr hubby buat aku betul2 fragile. asyik menangis je. and aku pon x enjoy dgn ape yg aku buat. aku nak baby kali ni sihat, and lahir sbg bayi yg boleh menangis, mcm bayi normal. bukannye senyap sunyi mcm ketika aku lahirkan abang die, bayi lahir tanpa suara. aku taknak pisang berbuah dua kali.kali ni, aku nekad, aku rela sacrifice ape2 shj asal baby dlm kandungan aku ni sihat dan selamat.
kdg2 this thought buat aku pk aku ni selfish, x ingat psl team...tapi bile aku utarakan psl ni kat Hisham and DJ, hisham kate, 'fizah ni terlalu pkkan psl org lain smpaikan lupa kebajikan diri sendiri'.
betul juga, sbb ms Afnan dulu, aku snggup kije susah payah sbb aku risaukan wani+chad penat sbb diorg akan oncall tanpa aku setiap kali. sure penat.dahla rota tu agak kerap. aku pkkan psl org lebih dr aku pkkan psl Afnan ms tu. akhirnye, ape yg jd, baby meninggal taknak tgk muka aku pon ms lahir. maybe sbb aku ignore die selama ni. kebajikan org lain melebihi keperluan baby. last2 sekali, aku yg menyesal. sbb tu, aku xnak ulangi kesalahan yg sama this time. biar ape org pk, my baby comes first.

entahla...sekali pk, aku xnak jd selfish. 2 kali pk, tak kire, baby aku yg utama...