tambah jam...

well...the title does not mean that i've added more collection to my Swatch watches...well, not yet..hehe...

every year, on the last sunday of march, we will add one hour to the time. and it also marks the beginning of spring. for students, it also means less one hour to study as the spring also means the start of the exam months. for those who are working over the weekend eg doctor who is oncall, it means, waking up earlier one hour for work. and less one hour of oncall...
for us...this year, it means...we are getting closer to going home for good. this year would be the last year that we experience adding one hour to our watch before we go back to our sweet sweet home in Malaysia in August...

mallarany,mulranny in castlebar

last weekend, we (me and hubby,syikin, onie, shikin Mohamad, and roque) met up in dj hisham's house in castlebar. it would be the last time for our small gathering before they both moving home to malaysia for good. well, not for long as they plan to go to australia for holidays afterward and going to work in new zealand after that. well, to be honest, i think i am gonna miss them a lot, especially muaz, the chubby son of theirs. Anyhow, they brought us to Mallaranny in Mulranny, which took us about half an hour from castlebar, for a scenery view on our second day at their house. very picturesque and breathtaking view indeed. the weather was quite ok in the beginning, but unfortunately, it became colder and was raining a bit by the time we left the place. oh, i know i am so gonna miss them. =(

scan 3

alhamdulillah...
dapat juga melihat baby utk scan kali ketiga. syukur sgt2. awal2 pregnancy, mcm2 pk. takut baby x survive la, takut baby itu la, ini la...alhamdulillah, i'm almost reaching my 24 weeks now. which means baby would be viable if delivered after this week. mintak2 mudahan this time around Allah permudahkan...

tadi pegi scan (Anomaly scan) kat CUMH, cork ngan hubby. berdebar2 pon iye. rasa rindu sgt nak tgk ape ade dlm uterus ni...asyik dok bergerak sini sana.sibuk je kicking time kite nak tido. time kite nak rase die kicking, x plak die bergerak. penah jugak mention kat hubby, dulu, mase mengandungkan Afnan, asal suruh afnan gerak je, mesti boleh rase movement die. this time around, baby xnak gerak bile kite nak rase die gerak. degil ke??hehe...apa2pun, anak2 dilahirkan sbg kain putih, baik buruk anak, kite yg corakkan dgn tunjuk ajar kita. insyaAllah, i will try to be a good mother to my baby.

mase Afnan dulu, hubby selalu ingat dpt baby girl, alih2 Afnan kuar as a boy. this time around pon same. hubby selalu pk akan dpt baby girl. mulelah die kuarkan reasoning kenapa ini baby girl...tp td scan, baby boy lah hubby! sperm XY hubby lagi kuat dr ovum XX saya utk contribute kepada genetic baby.hehe...

hubby senyum je td ms scan. mase ultrasonographer ty nak tahu gender baby ke x, sy jawab nak. tapi hubby kate die nak guess. then, ultrasonographer tu scan kat private part baby...then, hubby guess...yes, it is a boy. afnan akan ade adik lelaki nanti...

sebenarnya, utk ibu, x kisah pon baby boy or girl, as long as the baby is doing fine. tadi, alhamdulillah, so far semua ok. heart, size, length of femur etc semua ok. though percentage of the anomaly scan utk outrule cardiovascular anomaly is only 40%, hopefully baby's heart is ok.dgr denyutan jantung baby buat hati ibu pon rase lega...moga2 Allah mudahkan kali ni.

semoga, baby ni dilahirkan dgn selamat. i wish to bring this baby jumpe abang die kat Dublin before balik for good. I will bring ur brother to introduce to u, Afnan. just wait for ibu, ok.. and doakan ibu selamat juga...nanti bile adik afnan dh besar, ibu akan ceritakan psl Afnan, anak kesayangan ibu. biar die x lupa pd abang dia...

My 27th Birthday..

i'm 27 years old already...time flies really fast.
i had Ahmad Afnan when i was 25, now, at 27, i'm going to have afnan's brother/sister.
that night, hubby brought me to banna thai (erk, i actually insisted of going there, lapar ;p). we had our dinner cum birthday celebration there...

fitzgerald park

My hubby and I went to fitzgerald park on sunday before i left cork that day. nice bright sunny day. the park was full with people,either with kids playing on the playground, or with partners lying on the grass sunbathing, a few were cycling around, kids playing ball etc etc. we together with some others, brought along our packed lunch n icecream. we had picnic on one of the benches in the garden.it is soo lively that day...

jln2 uk itinerary 10/2-18/2/09

*delayed posting for this one i should admit. time has been tight lately, wuts more with hubby's samsung umpc,too small & delicate to write long entry. will post more update soon*


Day 1 11/2/09
- shopping lidl
- shopping Livingston, major outlet centre in edinburgg. Lotsa sale

day 2 12/2/09
- ski in cairngorm mountain
- night stay in Travelodge,Inverness

day 3 13/2/09
- jln2 to fort mountain, lochness visitor centre, ben nevis
- singgah beli kebab jaflon for dinner

day 4 14/2
- jln2 to Liverpool
- singgah di anfield stadium Liverpool
- beli sweater n baju n magnet
- singgah di university of Liverpool
- lalu Bristol to somerset
- bermlm di Bowden crest, caravan

day 5 15/2/09
- Haynes international transport museum
- Fleet air arm museum
- Woodland

Day 6 16/2/09
-london
-dr Kensington Olympia to London bridge
-london eye
-madam tussauds
-trafalgar square
-g mkn ayam kat kedai halal
-back to caravan


Day 7
-birmigham university
-cadbury world
-stoke on trent-portmerion, Wedgwood n Waterford, royal doulton factory
-lalu manchester
-man city stadium
-man u stadium
-home

che ti...

i really treasure the feeling of being in my own home, being in my own bed, and cooking on the stove i used to cook for years...i love it. i love being in my own house in Cork, epecially when hubby is around. but since hubby is away oncall this weekend, i have to make full benefit of staying home without him...

first thing came accross my mind when i arrived home, is TO CLEAN!!!! hubby really made huge mess in the house. mcm kapal pecah.buku2 is everywhere. everything is not at the place it used to be. pening2. meja makan x mcm meja mkn. pile of papers, with pizza cartons on top of it, with few unwashed cups and plates waiting to be cleaned. it was a disbelief. i was speechless. hubby smiled at me, and said 'dah awak takde, umah ni jadi umah org bujanglah' dgn muka x bersalah. huhu...hubby oh hubby. there was time when u felt really angry, but when he said that and u look at him, all the feeling is gone. hubby o hubby...in the end, he is busy all the time, cant blame him at all. sian jugak die...

but then, one thing he told me that make me really screamed. hubby said there are rats in the house. what??!!&%$..huhu.......i have been living here for many years, but no rat ever live under the same roof as me, but when i leave hubby alone, ade tikus aka 'che ti' kat dalam rumah??apekah...

hubby showed me the proof. he saved the movie he took using his HTC when he left toblerone choc on the floor, and a small creature came out and eat it. it was a small cute rat! yikes...not cute at all lah, geli adelah..huhu...hubby...what happened to our lovely house???

so, on saturday when hubby was away oncall, i cleaned the house. lots of small black shits of rats/leftover found on the upper part of the cabinet underneath the sink. huhu..geli..i threw out some spices which has the evidence that it has been gigit by that creature. geli...oh, i have to stop using perkataan geli..tapi mmg gelilah..

hubby oh hubby...i'll make sure that he help me tomorrow with the cleaning. we urgently need spring cleaning. hubby, dont forget to bring home rat traps tomorrow k!!very2 important dear. i dont want to live with rats. not save for baby lah hubby...

no more call...yeay!

i am supposed to be postcall today. but then, i am not. why??

after last weekend oncall, i feel so drained, exahusted, tired. it felt a if i have no energy left in me. i was soo determined that i could do oncall like when i was pregnant for the first time dulu, but then, this time, it is soo different. feel fatigue all the time. especially after hard labouring oncall like the one that i had on sunday night. so tired...

so, i asked my collegue to do yesterday's call for me. i felt so terribly sorry for having her to do my call, but nak wat camne?she is the only choice i had. she did not want to do it at first, but knowing my condition, she could not resist further. sian die...bersalahnya saya...tapi sy penat..

so, i am not post call today. and my call has finishes. i do not have to do my call after 24 weeks pregnant, which is quite a convenient. penatla oncall...

so,here i am, in Cork...but hubby is oncall today. takpelah, to be in my sweet sweet home is such a great feeling to have.hubby will come back tomorrow, and i'll be going back to galway tomorrow..huhu..what a life...

postcall dan jalan2 galway

weekend yg baru lepas ni, sy kene oncall lagi.hari jumaat sampai sabtu 9am, and start balik sunday 9am till the next day kije. cover call. sedihnye. dah la 2 minggu x jumpa balik cork jumpa hubby. so, nak tak nak, this time oncall ajak jugak hubby datang galway. satu, sbb rindu lama x jumpa. dua, sbb takut oncall malam2, at least hubby bleh temankan kalau kene panggil ke ward malam2. tahu2lah Merlin Park Hospital ni besar.

so, hari jumaat tu, penuh dgn anticipation hubby dtg awal, sbb kalau ikutkan, hubby postcall hari tu dan biasanya bleh pulang awal. tapi, nak dijadikan cerite, hubby kene stay sampai lewat ptg juga hari postcall tu sbb hubby tgh cover Oncology ward, and since ward oncology sentiasa busy, and hubby's colleague is away, so, hubby kene stay jugak till 4pm. on that day juga, after balik kije, hubby kene amek kete kat garage kat buttervant, sbb hantar utk NCT kereta aritu. so, instead of home early, hubby kene stay hosp. instead of going straight to galway, hubby kene naik bus ke buttervant dulu before ambil kete and drove to galway. last2, hubby sampai dah 10 lebih malam...sian hubby. penat betul die.

so, mlm tu hubby temankan. tupon siap ade incident die merajuk nak balik cork straight away sbb sy biarkan die tunggu dlm kete lama2 while i tried to finish my job kat ward. sian die. cranky. sy pon akan jd mcm die kalau penat postcall, and kene drive 3 jam, and bile sampai, kene biarkan tidur dlm kete plak. sape x marah. anyway, lps pujuk, hubby stay. i let him sleep kat my oncall bedroom. sian die, penat drive.

the next morning, it was not as busy as the night before. after having good rest the night before, hubby nampak lebih bersemangat.hehe...so,after my shift is over dlm 9am camtu, hubby ajak naik kete, die nak ajar. so, we drove around merlin park hospital tu, buat pusingan 360 degrees.hehe...dalam setengah jam belaja kete, mcm2 jadi. brek kete mengejut la, tak pandang kiri kanan nak masuk jalan la, kete mati tgh jalan la, etc. hubby bagi markah C- utk driving licence aritu.hehe, okay lah tu, utk new beginner. anyway, still a long way to go. luckily, hubby mood ok that morning. x cranky. ehe...

so, since we were in happy mood, we decided to explore galway with hubby's newly serviced honda civic. =) we went to kinvarra castle which is located not far from galway, dlm 20 minit drive. okayla...the castle is overlooking the river. sgt menarik. we took lots of pictures there.yg x bestnye, on our way back through the gate to our car, ade tourist ni, mabuk barangkali, kencing berdiri depan2 tourist yg amek gambar castle tu. sgt x senonoh. jijik tgk. disinhibition, x rasa malu langsung ke?








anyway, we headed to cliff of moher. tapi aim kali ni, bukan nakgi cliff, tapi nakgi the Burren nak cari Dolmane (ala, batu besar tu). so, hubby pusing2 la the burren tu. jumpela heart of the burren, tp x jumpa2 jugak Dolmane. along the way, mmg sgt lawa scenery die, bukit berbatu2. sekali pk, macam bekas gunung berapi pula. batu hitam2 atas bukit. and hubby citer jugak detik2 perjalanan hubby and family ms jalan2 galway aritu. hubby mention la psl abah mama, dh sampai sini, dah sesat situ.hehe...kelakar plak bile retrieve kenangan abah mama along kat sini aritu. teringat kat diorg.







pastu, jalan2 tu, kami jumpe 'portal tomb' dekat the burren tu. hubby dh excited bukan main. bukan ape, the portal tomb looks exactly like the dolmane. hubby sorang je gi tgk portal tomb tu. sy x ikut. sbb nak kencing x tahan, so,terpaksa stay dlm kete je.lagi pulak,dah petang sgt, nak masuk maghrib dah, takutla plak byk syaitan berkeliaran dkt portal tomb tu.hehe...alasan.hubby sgt excited, sbb portal tomb tu, kalau ikut sejarah, lagi tua dr stonehenge, adelah tpt pemujaan org2 zaman batu dulu. kat situ ade lebih 20 kubur, and antaranya, kubur kanak2 yg ditanam hidup2 lpas lahir. ni ikut pembacaan hubby la. huhu..scarynye...nasib baik x ikut.




lps tu, kami patah balik ke galway. dh lewat lps maghrib dh bile kami sampai rumah. penat,tapi hepi..leh jalan2 ngan hubby..malamnye, kami sama2 pend tgk movie Pursuit of Happyness sambil sy masak lauk utk hubby bwk bekal ke cork the next day.penat sgt mlm tu, kami tidur awal. hubby pon tidur awal juga sbb esok die kene menempuh perjalanan balik ke cork selama 3 jam tu.

the next morning, hubby hantar ke MPH utk sambung oncall. and x lama lepas tu, hubby bertolak ke cork. i will surely miss hubby...thanks hubby for coming to visit me. thank u sayang....

Oncall

Ahad yg lepas, sy terpaksa oncall lagi. kali ni bukan 'cover call', tapi 'on-take call'. kalau cover call, x busy sgt. biasanya, sekali sekala je nurses call malam2. tapi, kalau on-take call, mmg busy. especially bila dah sampai malam. sbb xtahu kenapa, mase tulah diorg start transfer patient from UCHG ke Merlin Park Hospital. terpaksa la tahan mata admit patient malam2.

rasanya, kalau kat hospital lain, mungkin takde masalah kot. tapi sbb kerja kat Merlin Park Hospital, terasa agak troublesome jugak. mslh x besar, tapi bermasalah utk org yg xde lesen kete+x pandai drive mcm sy. Merlin Park Hospital (MPH) tu besar. ground die sgt luas. dan unit2 terletak kat tempat jauh antara satu sama lain. biasanya, kalau kat hospital lain, jaket/winter coat boleh ditinggalkan kat doctor res je, tapi, kalau kije kat MPH, memang kene sentiasa pakai coat, especially kalau kene travel ke unit lain, dan kene jalan la...adelah dlm 10 minit jalan, dari satu unit to another..lagi2 kalau malam, mmg scary betul MPH ni. gelap semacam. rasa mcm x secure langsung. rasanya, kalau jadi apa2 masa oncall mlm2 kat MPH, x siapa yg tahu...

jadi, malam nak oncall tu, mmg dh prepare mentally and physically for the oncall the very next day. huhu...mmg x best langsung oncall weekend. ur weekend is ruined altogether. though oncall sbnrnye utk hari ahad 9am to Monday 5pm. sbb saturday to kene spend utk depress sbb kene oncall the next day,hehe...nak buat apa2 pon rasa x seronok..

so, bile oncall on that Sunday, mule2 mmg quiet. pelik jugak, satu hari tu, mmg jarang2 dapat call dari A&E utk admission until that night. mase tulah beramai2 dihantar ke MPH utk admission. i'm okay with that, since dah rehat byk ms siang tu tunggu patient sampai MPH utk di admit.

so, malam tu, mcm biase, keje admit patient. amek history, examination,cari appropriate diagnosis and bagilah ape2 treatment yg patut sblm diorg jumpe consultant the next day.masalah hanya timbul bile kene admit patient kat unit berbeza, mula2 kat unit4, then kene gi unit 1, pastu unit3 plak, pastu unit 4 and lastly kene gi unit 8. yg paling takut, jalan dr unit 4 ke unit 8. sbb jalan die xde lampu. jauh plak kene jalan dalam gelap2 tu, adelah dlm 20-25 minit. kalau org ade kete, sng je drive. tp sy x pandai bwk kete. nyesal x ikut nasihat hubby suh amek lesen awal2..so, terpaksala jalan. mase tu dah tawakal, hopefully xde mslh ape2. dah prepare patella hammer (what??!) as a weapon kalau jd ape2.haha...and phone pon dh ready, akan call hubby kalau ade mslh. that happened around 4 am, jalan tgh2 gelap di MPH yg xde lampu/lampu malap spjg jalan. so, jalanla sorang2 tgk kiri kanan kot2 ade manusia yg ikut. hehe, ms tu mls nak pk psl hantu dah...hehe..though that thought terlintas kat kepala...need to brave myself..hehe...

Alhamdulillah, sampai jugak ke unit 8 dgn slmt. bile sampai je, entrance door terkunci, aik, td x kunci pon. dahla xtahu code. tgh2 try nak recall balik code, ade nurses jenguk dkt cermin, and when she saw me, she opened the door for me, and quickly shut the door. she looked worried. and mase tu baru noticed, ramai2 nurses ngan intern berkumpul dpn pintu entrance unit 8. aik, what happened???

then the intern, Ciara pon meriwayatkan la ape yg berlaku mlm tu.rupa2nya, ade sorang lelaki yg gagah lagi perkasa, berbadan besar di admit ke unit 8 the day before for Detox. biaselah, org Ireland ni terkenal sbg alcoholics. pastu, dtg hospital utk detox (detoxification) and pas ok, kuar hospital, minum balik...so, berbalik to our story, this particular man who was fine before, tiba2 jadi ganas dan sgt aggressive. masa jalan2 kat corridor kat unit 8 tu, org ingatkan die nakgi toilet, rupa2nya, die gi amek fire extinguisher yg terlekat dkt dinding corridor, and tried to attack one of the staff nurses. kelam kabut semua. security ade, terus nak tangkap die, tapi hanya dpt fire extinguisher tu je. patient tu lari dari ward. satu kejadah plak nak kene cari patient tu kat MPH hospital ni. xtahula bape ekar MPH ni, tapi mmg luas la kwsn hospital ni. nurses siap warned semua unit utk lock their doors in case that man buat kacau kat tpt lain.

takutnye. and that event actually happened when i was walking down the street heading tu unit 8. waa...scary betul. nasib baik selamat, xde ape2 jalan2 sorang2 mlm tu. mase tu, i only thought the safety of my baby. if anything happen to me, what will happen to my baby??huhu...scary...takut..

pastu, the nurses knew after the intern told them that i was walking alone on the street ms kejadian tu berlaku. pastu, puaslah diorg nasihat suh jgn jln2 mlm. kalau jd ape2, nobody knows. diorg nasihatkan suh call security mlm2 kalau nak kene pegi from one unit to another. scary betul mlm tu.

ciara pon cuak sgt2. nampak muke die sgt berkerut. mlm tu, die hantarkan sy ke doctor res. tp die nampak sgt takut gile. berlari2 ke kereta, and berlari2 dr kerete ke doctor res, takut kalau pakcik tu still berkeliaran n tangkap kami.

xtahula ape jd pd pakcik tu in the end, security guard jumpe ke takk...entah2 gardi pon involved smlm...anyway, ape2pun, iktibar dr incident ini:

1) mintak tolong hubby dtg temankan oncall weekend ni
2) if hubby not available, call security.
3) takpun, jangan oncall langsung. which is x boleh. i still have weekend oncall, and one on-take call to do.huhu...

anyway, hubby is coming to accompany me during my oncall this weekend. yuuhuu...syg hubby. and miss hubby too...

okayla..nak solat maghrib plak..till then..wassalam

p/s: did i mention that on the morning i started my oncall, it was stone raining which eventually end up with snow rain??hehe...it lasted for half an hour or so...winter in spring..apekah??

nama sama..

Ahmad Afnan...
hari ni, sambil2 surf frenster, tetibe terjumpe anak kedua kawan along,Zulie. baby lahir bulan 5 aritu, namenye, Ahmad Afnan Hamimi. terus teringat kat Afnan sayang. selepas menangis reda, bagitahu hubby.
tak lama lepas tu, sambil2 tgk frenster kawan2 lama kat MMP dulu, came accross friedster Hajjar, baru dapat baby boy. and nama baby, Ahmad Afnan juga!
jadinye, menangis kali kedua. nak bagitahu hubby, tersekat di mulut, sebab terasa sebak di dada, airmata pon pantas mengalir laju.lepas airmata reda, telefon hubby sekali lagi. sambil bagitahu hubby, sambil menangis.
kenapa tiba2 ramai baby nama sama dgn anakku ini?

sedih dan hiba, bukan apa, nama sama,tapi..anak org lain hidup, anakku?! mati...

gembira, bukan apa, sekurang2nya dapat melihat alive version of Ahmad Afnan.

sebenarnya...

sudah lama x menangis. weekend ni rasa nak menangis je. jadi terlalu sensitive lately, bende kecil pon nak menangis...

p.s: fizah, redalah dgn takdir. Allah takdirkan sesuatu ada hikmahnya...sabar ok. jgn menangis.

jangan mengeluh...

a reminder to myself

JANGAN MENGELUH ………..
Kita selalu Bertanya… dan Al-Quran sudah menjawabnya…

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU DIUJI?

QURAN MENJAWAB
`Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan; `Kami telah beriman,' ('I am full of faith to Allah') sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg benar dan, sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta.'
-Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU TAK DAPAT APA YG AKU IDAM-IDAMKAN?

QURAN MENJAWAB
`Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.'
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA UJIAN SEBERAT INI?

QURAN MENJAWAB
`Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya. `
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA RASA FRUST?

QURAN MENJAWAB
`Jgnlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan jgnlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah org2 yg paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu org2 yg beriman.'
- Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?

QURAN MENJAWAB
`Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan) , dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh, di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah-daerah sempadan) serta bertaqwalah (be fearfull of Allah The Almighty) kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan). `

KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?

QURAN MENJAWAB
`Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk'
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45

KITA BERTANYA : APA YANG AKU DAPAT DRPD SEMUA INI?

QURAN MENJAWAB
`Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari org2 mu'min, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga utk mereka… ?
- Surah At-Taubah ayat 111

KITA BERTANYA : KEPADA SIAPA AKU BERHARAP?

QURAN MENJAWAB
`Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain dari Nya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal. `
- Surah At-Taubah ayat 129

KITA BERKATA : AKU TAK DAPAT TAHAN!!!

QURAN MENJAWAB
`… ..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dr rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir.'
- Surah Yusuf ayat 12

muaz

td dj hisham datag umah. jumpe baby muaz. ala, cutenya budak kecik itu. rindu plak rasenye lps diorg balik td...
muaz suke senyum. muaz yg hensem. i wish kalau afnan boleh dipeluk2 cam muaz..membesar depan mata. bestnye jd dj, tgk muaz membesar setiap hari.
dj hisham akan balik for good 31st march nanti. i will surely miss them, and muaz. bestnye kan kalau ada baby suke senyum cam muaz???

resign...

huhu..tiap2 ari pegi kije terasa nak resign je. nape ek?tak suke sgt ke kije ni??ke x suke team?ke x suke hospital?entahla...pressure kot kije skrg. tambah2 penat lagi berbadan dua ni.
kadang2 menyesal plak kije. kan best kalau x kije skrg. tp kalau x kije, xde income. xde simpanan utk masa depan. tgh org xde kije, kite dapat kije. x syukur ke?huhu...
selalu mengadu kat adin penat n x suke kije kat sini. selepas ditenangkan, dptla berfikir secara optimis alasan2 kenapa nak cari kije dulu. bukan ape, setiap kali mengadu, hubby akan cakap ' sape yg nak kije dulu??sy x suruh pon awak kije. awak yg buat keputusan utk bekerja'. huhu...salah ke pilihan utk bekerja ni??maybe sbb berjauhan dgn hubby buat perasaan bekerja kat sini x best. maybe kot. kalau hubby dekat, mungkin ok.
sekarang ni, aim utk kije sampai maternity leave je. kalau ikutkan, by 24 weeks pregnant dah boleh mintak maternity leave, tp x sampai hati plak kalau HR biarkan team xde locum cover. banyakla kije team nanti. Alhamdulillah, HR pon dah approve utk cari locum coverkan utk my oncall nanti after 24 weeks. bagus jugak x buat oncall, blehla baby have some rest at night. hehe..baby ke, ke maknye yg need rest??hehe

skrg, hepi sgt bile rase baby bergerak2 dlm perut. hepi, the same feeling mase afnan ade dlm perut dulu. setiap kali baby bergerak, timbul rasa bahagia dlm diri. alhamdulillah, Allah bagi second chance utk pregnant lagi. syukur sgt2. ya Allah, selamatkan lah baby yg ini. harap sgt2. takut sgt kalau kecewa buat kali kedua. kadang2 pk, kalau the same bad dream repeats itself all over again, i might become crazy. Nauzubillah. taknak jadi gila. tapi..kalau betul2 jd sekali lagi, mintak dijauhkan, aku x tahu ape akan jadi...nauzubillahi min zalik.

anyway, kene pk positive je skrg. Allah takdirkan semua tu berlaku, mesti ada hikmah. Allah nak bagi ibu ayah masa utk berdua sblm ada baby kot. nanti ada Afnan utk tunggu ibu ayah kat pintu syurga. ya Allah, semoga aku dimasukkan ke syurga...nak jumpe Afnan..

terlintas jugak di fikiran, entah2 Allah nak bagi peringatan sblm aku 'pergi'. entah2 Afnan pegi sbg peringatan utk aku bersiap sedia. entah2 labour kali kedua ni, aku plak yg 'pergi' dulu. siapa tahu, Allah juga yg tahu. nanti sblm labour nanti, nak bagitahu siap2 kat doktor supaya ape yg jadi, selamatkan baby dulu before selamatkan aku kalau ada complication. sbb kalau ade baby, sekurang2nya aku ada darah daging sendiri. sekurang2nya hubby boleh jaga baby, n besarkan baby.n baby boleh reminds him about me though aku dah x ada. mungkin susah kalau dia jaga seorg,aku x kisah kalau ade org baru asalkan kebajikan anak aku terjamin.
sbb kedua, kalau aku selamat and baby meninggal, terasa no point utk hidup. haha...nanti aku depress je setiap masa, n jadi gila. better baby survive than myself. better still, kalau ibu dan baby survive. harap2 sgt aku dan baby selamat this second time. aku berdoa betul2...

anyway, apelah yg aku mengarut ni. think positive fizah. u still have long journey ahead of you. Takdir Allah tu ada hikmahnya. memang kene pk psl mati selalu, tapi jgn doa utk mati. sebaliknya, bersiap sedia utk mati bila2 ms dr skrg. hah...and i dont want hubby to remarry again.heh...aku ni kuat jeles. kang, x psl2, aku gi lawat tingkap bilik hubby nanti bile aku dh 'pergi'. hehe, scary kan??hehe...harap2 adalah orang2 yg berbaik hati doakan kebahagiaan aku di akhirat nanti kalau aku dah pergi.semoga roh aku aman di sana.harap2 hubby x lupe aku nanti kalau aku dah pergi...

hehe, pk2, terasa entry kali ni cam mengarut. tp kalau betul2 terjadi, manelah tahu kan.

hubby...

today, when my housemate reached home from work, we had some chit-chatting while makan2 about our previous love-lives, also catching up what has been happening to our lives lately.

it made me terribly missing my other half.i told her how our love story started. what happened before we get together etc etc.and she told me hers. we exchanged stories.

it seriously brought me back to our old times, when we were young, when we fell in love together. it felt as if it only happened a year ago. but we have actually been married for 4 years 7 months plus few days now. we have gotten along well with each other, although we are still trying to know each other deeper. i know what he likes, what he does not like, and he knows about my likings as well. as years passed, i noticed that sometimes we can read each other's mind. sometimes, when i thought about something in my mind, he actually think about the same thing and voiced it out loud about that thing i had in mind. it coincide!even though i was quiet and have that thought to myself. well..it maybe just coincidence, but it happened several times.

last night, hubby generously made an offer to send me to galway, so, i do not have to go there by bus. the last weekend was great when hubby is around, we did so many things together. i feel soo thankful since hubby sacrificed his precious time to let me have some moments with him by sending me to Galway before we are apart. as usual, to see him go in the next morning meaning letting more tears down on my cheeks. i love hubby so much. if hubby read this, please know that I love u soo much!so much that i would sacrifice anything for you. thanks for being there with me during my ups and downs. thanks for being my heart, my soul. thanks for everything.

love u so much...

tima dpt baby

timah dapat baby arini. via caesarian section, according to shikin mohammad, the CTG reading was low, and the baby was delievered as emergency csect. alhamdulillah, tima n baby are fine. baby is a boy,weighed 2.38 kilos. yeay, another friend of mine who become a mother!!

update 2

masih malas utk meng update citer2 yg terbengkalai...
cume nak bagitahu yg sy pass exam irish provisional licence driving licence.hehe, theory test jek. tp sbb x study sgt, n pass, agak amazed jugak.hehe..even hubby pon x sangka. pulak tu, markah lebih sket dr hubby. hehe...hepi sgt. hubby pon tumpang happy ;)

harapnye, bile dh dapat provisional driving licence ni, bolehlah belajar driving ngan hubby. iyelah, pk2 balik, agak susah kalau x tahu memandu. bukan sahaja utk ms skrg, tp utk masa depan jugak. kami akan bekerja asing2, waktu oncall pon berasingan. balik rumah hari2 mungkin pd waktu berbeza. jadi elok juga kalau tahu memandu. anak sakit, boleh bawa ke hospital. ada apa2, senang nak berdikari. obviously, kenelah dpt permission hubby dulu utk ke mana2. pahala isteri berganda2 kalau suami merestui isteri.hehe...nanti boleh sama2 gilir bwk kereta ngan hubby kalau nak drive jauh2 eg balik kelate ke...

hari ni suasana agak mending di cork. hujan renyai2 di waktu petang. plan utk picnic kat fitzgerald park terpaksa ditunda pada suatu waktu akan dtg. kdg2 rindu utk waktu bersama2, berbicara dgn hubby ttg apa sahaja tanpa risaukan waktu. skrg, weekend kene di optimise kan waktu sehabis mungkin. sekejap shj 2 hari berlalu, terpaksa pulang ke galway keesokan harinya. x puas rasanya bermanja. baby pon x puas dgr suara ayahnya bercakap2.

anyway, perjalanan hidup perlu diteruskan. di kala menulis catatan ini, terasa denyutan kicking baby di perut. mungkin tahu ibunya sdg berbicara psl dirinya.baby cuba menunjukkan kehadirannya.

hai bahagia, kekallah dlm kehidupan ini. jangan pergi sekali2.
tak ingin terus merasa derita...