Alhamdulillah..

i had the scariest event last month. a psychiatric patient before my eyes after being punched, stepped and hit on the face by another patient. despite doing all my best to resuscitate him, he still passed away.Innalillah

anyway, since the incident, there had been an internal query, the tribunal evaluating any shortfalls in our part in helping the patient. alhamdulillah, it went through well. anyway, i still have a lot to improve. alhamdulillah

but until now, i still feel anxious whenver i had to do oncalls. whenever oncalls, i always hope everything went smoothly without any major problems, and so far it was ok. but i am still praying it wont happen again to me...scary ok.i was seriously traumatized.huhu...

anyway, about haikal, he's 15 months ++. growing bigger and cheekier and naughtier.seriously. nakal bukan main.
baru sihat demam. still having coughs and this sking infection that i much worry about. sianla anak ibu...huhu..harap2 cepat sihat ye syg...

re: lil baby. he/she is already 19 weeks in my womb. hopefully baby selamat ok..ibu, ayah and abang haikal is waiting for ur arrival which would be in march 2011.ehe..

lata belatan

we went there last week. the plan was to go to SEKAYU. but since we arrived to LATA BELATAN first , and it was already an hour plus we were in car, we decided to just went to LATA BELATAN, as we couldnt bear sitting in the car for longer. ehe...

it's double line!!!

i'm getting pregnant,again!!!
it came as a shock,really.didnt plan it. didnt expect for it to happen this soon. however, alhamdulillah, i am more than happy to know than it's happening again..for the third time.Alhamdulillah wa syukri lillah.

actually, i knew it by accident. on the last 23rd july, when hubby was away in Labok with haikal, i had this only-one-time feeling nauseaous. on the spot i was thinking of doing UPT. at that time, i was only thinking to waste my pregnancy test which was unused bought during my last pregnancy. in my mind, i know that it will turn out negative since i had my monthly menses without fail for the past 2 months. and it only went by a week than the date that month's mense should 'come'.

went to toilet. and tested it. it was a shock, i was seriously dumbfounded when i was the result. POSITIVE!!!!!
not belienving my eyes, i went to KB straight away and bought another 2 UPTs. and came home straight to test it. both were POSITIVE!!! i seriously cannot believe my eyes.

only a few days after that, then i believed.i needed time to absorb the news. it was a shock, but now i feel blessed by Allah this time as He grant me my wishes. yes, i want to get pregnant again, just that it came too soon.now, i am more than redha. alhamdulillah...

hopefully, it wont be a csec this time. i want more babies!!! hehe

my first PSYCHIATRIC call...

alhamdulillah,my gratitude to Allah as HE granted my prayer to have a better oncall last night. mind you, for the past 6 months working as O&G HO in HUSM, my 'oncall' means only a few hours of interrupted sleep,which only occasionally happened so far that i've worked there. so, i was praying, hoping that yesterday was a better day for me, and indeed it was better than before.

For whoever outside that thinks PSYCHIATRY is ALWAYS a quiet call, it proves to be wrong as there was a case when it was superbusy in ward that one of the doctors could not have a pinch of sleep at all. but this time for me, it was totally fabulous. i slept all the way through from 11pm till 3.15am, and continued again my sleep after visited A&E from 5am till 7am.However, the day was not as free as i thought it would be.

the day went like this.

8am: punch in card. Arrived there a few minutes early
8-8.30am: breakfast
8.30-9.00:round with Consultant
9-10 am: ECT
10-10.30: review new case in PSy Clinic
10.30-12: ward jobs
12-1.00: lunch hour (went out to stadium to get my rubber stamp)
1-3.15: review new case, went to A&E several times. review new patient with Consultant
3.15-4: rest
4-6.15: review two new referrals
6.15-10.30: in oncall room
10.30-12mn: 2 new OSCC cases
12am-3.15am: new case
3.15-5am: reviewing new case in A&E. was he a case of BAD or Schizo???
5-8am: in oncall room

altogether, i am more than happy that my oncall ended not that superbusy. i've been in anxious state the night before the oncall worrying that it might turn worse. alhamdulillah,all went well. at the moment, i am relieved. Alhamdulillah, thank you ALLAH.

Happy Birthday dear cayang ibu busuk! ;p

dear haikal,ibu loves u soo much...on this special day, ibu wanna wish u a happy birthday. may Allah grants u with happiness and healthiness throughout ur life syg.
ibu is soo grateful looking at u,being so small a year ago, now u can already walk even though with only few steps. u have grown to become a handsome man, a mixture of ayah and ibu. ur skin is fairer than ayah. u also have 5 teeth already, making u bite at almost everything u can lay ur teeth on including ibu and ayah's hands,legs and tummies. haha....haikal haikal..u've bring us sunshine with u. u've bring us joy. u've bring us warmth feeling inside just by looking at u. to tell u the truth, u are my everything.

last but not least, I LOVE U SO MUCH...FOREVER...

3/7 till 7/7/10

haikal was in the hospital Raja P Zainab 2 during that period.

haikal was initially brought to the casualty after having profuse diarrhoea, vomiting and increasing letahrgic for 3 days. he was clingy, cranky and crybaby on the day he was admitted, refused to crawl, poor oral intake especially after losing so much fluid from diarrhoea and vomiting. we afraid that he might be lethargic secondary to dehydration, and the only aim we went there just to get iv drip for him as we knew we couldnt get one without admission.

anyhow, so haikal was admitted on 1st july.little did we know that he has to stay in the hospital for almost a week!we assumed that his diarrhoea will resolved after a day or two, and his dehydration resolved with iv hydration. but, things were not as planned. the diarrhoea persisted for a week, with vomiting resolved a day before we discharged AOR. pity haikal, he was really weak as a result of the endless BO and vomiting.

the doctors and nurses diagnosed him as Acute Gastroenteritis AGE with mild dehydration. but since the diarrhoea gone on for longer than it should, they suspected URTI or UTI. The MO also suspected lactose intolerance as a result from AGE, hence the reason we changed the milk to Mamex gold-soymilk free from lactose.

haikal had several jabs for branula during his stay.two unsuccessful attempt in A&E followed with a successful one done by Dr fadhilah. second branula attempted by dr Amilia was successful after the first one had to be removed after the fluid leaked out from the 1st branula. however, during our last 2 days stay in the hospital, haikal had spiking temperature, hence the reason they had to take blood again from him. Dr Amilia attempted again for 3 times, but failed. he definitely has a chubby hand, hence difficult to find veins at all.

after 4 days stay in hospital, we decided to discharged AOR since haikal is no longer on drips. sadly, they havent had the result of the investigation on hand, so, hubby went on checking by himself the stool and urine FEME and C+S.he got the result. he told me that Haikal's urine has cultured E.Coli in it and sensitived to certain bacteria. we informed the oncall Paeds Mo, and decided to go ahead with AOR discharge since no active management we received from them.

they counselled us to stay until the next day,but consensus has been made between us to discharge haikal that night. so, we went home that night with few bottles of antibiotics and syr paracetamol.

amazingly, today, haikal is doing great at home. he's back to his normal self.very active,BO less, eat a lot, and laughed a lot. i'm really happy for the change. i guess it's familiar surroundings that helped speed up his recovery. we have i/52 TCA in the hospital for US KUB for Haikal. hopefully, no damage were done on his kidneys. I promised myself to keep giving his antibiotics on time. he needs this however hard he tried to refuse it. this is for ur good sake haikal. ibu dont want u to suffer later on. ibu wants u to be healthy always. =)

AOR- At Own Risk

ya Allah, tenangkan hatiku ya Allah. andai ini keputusan yg terbaik buat anakku dan kami semua, kau permudahkanlah urusan kami.Kau kurniakanlah anakku kesihatan yg sejahtera, semoga dia dapat membesar dgn sempurna. Kau kurniakanlah ketenteraman di hati kami, Kau kurniakanlah kami kesihatan yg sempurna agar kami dpt menjaga buah hati kami ini sehingga membesar. ya Allah, kau ampunkan dosaku atas segala kekasaranku kepada anakku ya Allah.ya Allah, aku pohon padaMu ya Allah,semoga kau perkenankan doaku ini ya Allah. ya Allah, andai aku dapat menjaadi galang ganti utk kesakitan anakku ya Allah,aku sanggup.ya Allah..aku bermohon pada Mu ya Allah...

update on haikal...

2-3 hari kebelakangan ni, agak risau psl haikal. haikal tak sihat.haikal muntah selepas minum dan makan. haikal diarrhoea. haikal tak mkn byk sgt. taktahulah ape yg masuk dlm kekal dlm perut haikal.byk yg masuk, dan terus keluar.sian anak ibu.

Gastroenteritis kah anak ibu?tapi kenapa?ke milk intolerance?tapi haikal dh minum susu dutchlady dah lama, xde mslh pulak sblm ni. takkan tiba2 jd intolerance. haikal AGE, tapi haikal mkn ape sampai AGE since semua org lain sihat2 aje.

sian betulla anak ibu ini. makin kurus. haikal dah makin hilang ke chubby annya...sian anak ibu. ibu harap haikal cepat sembuh dan sihat k. haikal kene makan utk membesar ye sayang. ibu mintak maaf kalau ibu berlaku kasar kat haikal,especially bila ibu bwk haikal ke bilik air slps haikal berak atau muntah. ibu penat, tapi ibu tahu haikal lagi x selesa dgn muntah2 dan berak2...haikal,ibu syg haikal.cepat sembuh ye syg!

happy 5th anniversary !

it has been 5 years we lived together. 5 years of swweeeet memories. i love u sayang. with all my heart. i love u.

posting!

well,about the posting, it isnt update yet. it's just that from today, i've no bond with husm anymore. the HR people has handed over to me the letter from KKM, and the letter from HUSM saying that i've already finished my housemanship there. my salary has already stopped last saturday, which supposed to be my last day in HUSM. but i've still 3 months pending oncall claim -april,may,and june. (dunno y the husm announced themselves as apex university when the system is not as good as it should be)
em...anyway, i have sweet and bitter memories in HUSM, especially when i spend 5 months 1 week in Labour Room alone. it is such an experience to me. new in O&G, i learnt everything from scratch.not to say that i'm good, but i think i know what to do if O&G case were to be handled by me. at least i know when to refer to the experts if i dont know the management! haha. in O&G, u cannot be a hero. always be safe in whatever u do. always think what is the consequent of whatever u do because it's full with legal justification. i love O&G, but to be one, i have to think harder. it's tough. but, what isnt tough in this world???huh,i wonder...

dunno where to go...

i tot i finishes my housemanship today, but i was told that i officially finish it yesterday,hence the reason y i was so lazy to wake up this morning and get prepared to work. i told most of the MOs who were asking that i finish today, so felt obliged to come even tho in the end i did not make it.

staying at home with haikal with messy house, i wonder what should i do next. am applying for o&g in hkb, but, still...i dont know whether i get it or not. just knew that ammar applied for gynae for 6 months in o n g in hkb and got it. what about me???????????????

Dinner

hehe...at last, our plan became reality. Dr Akram had planned to gather few of us for dine-out together as a sort of farewell dinner. the first plan was on last sunday but was cancelled due to unavailability of some people. but, our ad hoc plan a few days before worked out well as Dr Amir (specialist), Dr Rafiza (registrar), Dr Akram and Dr Rahimah (wife to Dr Amir) and us (means me and Maryam) had finally turned up at 8.30pm.

we both went in into dr Akram's sophisticated mitsubishi car, while dr amir and dr rahimah went in diferent car. it was such a nice night, it was not hot. nor it rains. such a perfect night to have dinner outsde..

so, we went to Tawang to have seafood at one of the restauraants there. looking from the outside, it does not look like restaurant at all, it looks more like a normal house until we went to the backyard where the serve variety of seafood. it was next to a river. seriosuly byk ikan dlm sunagi tu. since dr akram has ordered the food, we went in and straight away dive in the food. it was yummylicios.seriously sedap.

borak2 x ingat dunia sambil gelak2...haha..kelakar la semua org.hehe...

later after we finish all the food, then it was the time when dr akram brought it the fishing wire from his wallet and startedf fishing which later substituted by dr amir. they caught a fish straight away not even a minute they put the fishing wire inside the river.seronok.haha...

later, come the photography session. ingat lagi ayat dr akram bile dr amir amek gambar 'ketat' haha...xtahan...

balik pukul 11 mlm smpai umah.seronok!

still cant make up my mind!

i am still undecided on which specialty should i pursue. at work, MOs and specialists especially Dr Adibah and Dr Amir being suggesting for me to take up OnG as a trainee. they said that they will give good recommendation if i were to go for the trainee lecturer. yes, i like OnG, but to think that i'll be stuck forever being and obstetriciaan/gybaecologists where work are always busy, makes me shudder. i donno.

i seriously dunno.i want to do something easy. but what is easy in this world? everything u get is tru hardwork. but to think that my family is my first priority, it's hard to choose for OnG. so..at the moment, i still cant make up my mind even though im already at the end of journey as a houseman. pity me..huhu.

kuih ambon

bahan2;

1. 500gm gula kastor
2. 600gm tepung
3. 5 butir telur
4. 2 teacup 7up
5. 4tbsp susu pekat
6. 2 tbsp ovalette
7. vanilla

cara2;
1. pukul telur dgn gula sampai kembang
2. masuk 7 up selang seli dgn tepung
3. masuk vanilla+ovalette+susu pekat
4. kukus berselang seli dgn 3 warna

resepi yg akan kucuba...

new lappy!

bought a new laptop last night. the decision to buy the new laptop was made on an impulse when we were in the pc fair last night. although i have 3 laptops, 2 were given to two of my siblings, while another one is used by my parents in law. i was hesitated to take it back as they are using that so frequently as all others computers are broken.

so, i bought a new Acer Aspire Timeline X lastnight for RM 1899. seems expensive for me. but i hope it's worth the money. hubby seems fond on acer, and as i have a good experience with Acer, i have no doubt at all to spend thousands on this lappy.

well, here is my first entry written using with this lappy. hopefully, it will maintains its good service for many years to come. i'm hoping this lappy will be my good friend from today.hehe...so acer, be good servant to me okeh! =)

@11 months...

sedar2 tak sedar, dah 11 bulan umur haikal. cepat betul masa berlalu. dah hampir setahun kami kat Malaysia sekembalinya kami dr Ireland. ingat lagi, masa balik Malaysia dulu, umur haikal cukup2 7 minggu. skrg haikal dh cukup2 11 bulan.haikal pon dh besar, dari budak yg sg chubby ms kecik dulu, skrg dah slim melim. hehe. kadang2 tak percaya bile tgk gambar2 haikal ms kecik, dari transition budak yg montel, kpd haikal yg slim skrg ni. rindu plak ms haikal kecik2 dulu, tp suka juga haikal yg skrg.

haikal skrg dah makin buas. ada aje keje yg dibuatnya,xleh dok diam. paling suke, kalau 'mengemas' barang2. adus. sengsara. almari tv tu selalu dibukak dan disepahkan semua cd cd kat dlm tu. last2 sekali ayah terpaks 'lock' pintu almari tu. skrg, kalau dok rumah, haikal suka main tepon, angkat gagang. jalan situ jalan sini.explore every corner of the house.

yg bestnye, last 2 days, haikal dh boleh menapak selangkah tanpa pegang sape2. wah, dah nak berjalan sndiri dah. pastu,suke sgt main gurau2 ngan die.haikal ni suke ketawa.kalau kat rumah,suka main kejar2 ngan die.bile kite start kejar die dr belakang, mulalah die merangkak dgn laju2 lari dr kite. lagi kite dekat,lagi die merangkak laju dan gelak. haha.bile ditangkak dan digeletek,terus ketawa mengekek. ehe..

2 hari lps juga, ayah main helo2 dgn haikal. kebetulan haikal tgk main dgn telepon rumah. bile ayah helo haikal,haikal mengangkat telefon dan menekapkanya ke telinga. kami terkejut dan bangga. haikal tak penah di ajar guna telepon,tp macammana haikal tahu?hehe...betullah,budak2 ini eblajar dr pemerhatian. bile masa diorg tgk pon,kite tak tahu.

cakap2 psl haikal ni,terasa rindu kat die plak. dahla dok sorang2 mlm ni kat rumah. hubby oncall, and tokma haikal bwk haikal pulang ke labok malam ni. td dah plan nak amek haikal,tp toma ngan tokbah haikal dh plan nak amek haikal mlm ni.takpelah. bg can haikal bermanja ngan tokma die. lagipon, rumah bersepah. bile haikal x ada, bolehlah mengemop da mengemas ape yg patut. byk kesan2 'kelaring' kat lantai bekas haikal muntah,huhu...

bile teringat haikal selalu muntah, risau juga. haikal dh kurang makan. bile makan, dan batuk, terus muntah semua yg dimakan. risau juga kalau anak kecil ini x dpt nutrien yg cukup. tapi haikal ni tak kire ms, muntah x muntah,tetap aktif.

kadangkala, terbayang, mcmmana la hidup tanpa haikal. rasa tak terbayangkan. haikal is part of my life now, altho sometimes haikal ni betul2 anak ayah. nak ayahnya lebih dr ibunya.hehe..ni yg jeles ngan ayahnya ni...;p

laughter

haikal @ 10 months old

haikal dah 10 bulan...

sekarang haikal dah boleh buat macam2...
1. haikal dah boleh panjat tangga! seriyesly, panjat tangga which sangat menrisaukan ibu. ibu takut haikal jatuh!
2. haikal dh boleh jalan2 dengan walker di segenap ceruk rumah.
3. cruising di semua tempat x kira dapur, bilik air..dimana2 sahaja
4. suka bergerak dan main kejar mengejar dgn dia...suka gelak la budak tu.
5. a well-behaved boy. skrg dh kurang meragam bile dok dlm carseat die on the way back home from nursery.
6. suka nak makan sendiri. kalau suap die makan, bagi sudu satu kat die, baru die distracted. tp akan bersepahla kan bile suap die makan since he'll move around, playwith this and that during his makan time.
7. manja ngan tokma tokbah die.
8. tidur tersangatla buas. memang sah2 ibu ayah xleh bwk haikal tidur atas katil. kalau x, jatuhla nampaknya dgn gaya tidur buas haikal tu.
9. dh nak boleh jln sendiri.skrg kl cruising pon,suke lepas tgn satu lagi. ada masa2 lepas 2-2 tangan yg menyebabkan ibu ayah takut kl haikal jatuh tersembam atas simen.
10. dh pandai meminta kalau die suke makanan yg kite suapkan...

cakap psl haikal, mmg x abes. sellau rindu kat budak ni bile oncall.rasa rinsu nak gurau2 ngan die mcm selalu.huhu...

takpe,ibu kejap je lagi nak abes houseman. anyway...ibu nakk haikal tahu ibu saaayaanggggg haikal sgt2!

8 months 3 weeks old...

another few months passed without any entry entered. reason being is because i was very very busy for the past few months. with oncalls and daytime job, i could not get enough rest and sleep to be honest! and fortunately haikal has his nenek and tokma to look after him while i am away. seriously, i think i am kinda washing my hands off from taking after him these past few weeks. when i reached home after work, i took him and brought him to sleep next to me, and woke up late that night after he cried hungrily for milk/food. too tired to prepare for his puree, i will give him milk only. later, i would bring him to sleep again with me. poor him. ibu mintak maaf ye sayang. i wish i have more days and time to spend with him. seriously, i need more time to catch up with his development.

what i notice, for the past 2 weeks, he has been showing separation anxiety everytime we wake up from sleep in the morning to prepare to work. he will be very clingy, and want us to be near him all the time. but he is good most of the time.not crying unnecessarily. sometime, i had this untold sadness looking into his eyes every morning i left him for work. i know he need me. and i need him. i miss him all the time u see when i'm at work!cant get enough out of him.

haikal also likes his food so much now especially the porridge. he is not that keen on eating baby rusk or nestum. sometime, i will find time to do fruit puree like papaya,banana or mango puree just to vary the menu. i know he enjoys this so much as much as i enjoy seeing him eating my home cooked puree.

lately, he's babbling so many syllables. ma ma, baba, ta ta...he interacts with people now with his new syllables. he also begins to crawl and cruise. so much so that we are always so occupied looking after him as he would be everywhere crawling in matter of minutes. no longer easy to care for baby at this age as they like to explore the surrounding. but i enjoy this moment so much i tell u! its satisfaction seeing your baby growing before your eyes!

oh, i also noticed that tokma really loves him, and always find time to look after him.sometimes, i envy the relationship,especially when they sleep together (not with me, like tonight), but i know,all of us loves him to the max and want only the best for him. i think i better get pregnant soon for adik haikal ;p, so that we dont fight to look after haikal anymore.tokma has haikal,i have his brother. haha. just joking. no, it's not the time yet. not yet. i want to see him grow first....not yet. hehe...

i love soo muchhhh!!!!

future..

i dont know what future holds for me. at the moment, i dont know what and which specialty that i am going to choose. i love o n g, but it drains my energy, and it takes away my precious time with my family. i dont know. i am not into medicine or surgery. and i am not good at them either. i seriously do not know where am i going to be stranded...which specialty..

6 bulan 10 hari...

hari ni umur haikal genap 6 bulan 10 hari..dah makin besar anak ibu. tokbah kate, haikal dah makin putih, dah nak sama kaler kulit ngan ibu. apa2 pun, ibu x kisah. janji anak ibu ini membesar dgn sihat walafiat. semoga anak ibu ini jd anak soleh,anak pandai, anak baik, bila besar nanti, itu yg ibu doakan.

haikal dah pandai macam2. paling suka, haikal pandai ketawa mengekek. pandai senyum, pandai ketawa bile digeletek. suke budak itu. makan pon selera sekarang ni. minggu lepas, buat nasi bubur dgn ikan bilis. hari ni buat nasi bubur dgn carrot dan juga tamar. berselera jugakla die makan.

haikal skrg dah pandai guling2 kalau baring. kalau letak, kene letak kat tpt yg luas sbb die boleh landing kat mana2 pon. pusing2 sampai dok atas lantai. pastu, pandai mintak angkat. suke berdiri dan lompat2... suke senyum juga. setiap ms senyum. tak ada stranger anxiety lagi, semua org die boleh pegi.

tp kene berhati2 dgn haikal skrg ni. kalau mkn, make sure cawan gelas dok jauh from his reach. kalau x, cepat je tgn die menggapai. kalau xde apa2 kat tgn die, mulela die tepuk semua bende...hehe...
haikal juga pandai mengejut ibu ayahnya bgn pg.die akan main mata, main tarik2 baju kita suruh bgn pagi.hehe...kelakar..

apapun, haikal ni jantung hati ibu.takleh bayangkan hidup tanpa haikal. bile kije penat2, tambah ngan tensen kat tpt kije, balik rumah tgk muka haikal dah cukup menenangkan hati yg gundah gulana. main2 dgn haikal buat hati gembira. syg betul kat haikal ni. syg sgt sgt!!!

hehe....haikal membesar jd juara ok! ibu nak haikal sihat sejahtera sokmo...

3 minggu..

dah 3 minggu bekerja sbg HO di Dept O&G HUSM. well, technically,it was only 2 weeks and plus days of working there. sbb ape?sbb MC 4 hari lps dapat conjunctivitis last week. ehehe...good break though!

well, it was not a happy beginning for me as i am the only houseman in the department.they say, the HO is already extinct here in HUSM. the last HO they had was about a month ago. aha..so,i was the first. and on 2nd week, second HO arrived. now, they have only 2 of us. and the staff nurses keep telling that the MOs will leave us alone in the wards once the MO is here. yup, in a certain way, it happened. but there are also good MOs who have been helping us a lot during our few earlier days there.

anyhow, it was good experience for me. with EOD oncall, it was certainly tiresome experience, but worthwhile! (well, i sound optimistic here, just to keep the motivation up,aha)

about haikal, he has reached his 6 months old a few days back. 8.8 kg at 6 months, he did not gain that much weight.byk perangai dh skrg. nak lompat2, guling2...ehe